Why Rejection Hurts But Doesn’t Have To

Rejection sucks. Let’s just call it like it is.

Whether it’s a friend, a family member, a boss, a partner—it cuts deep. But the thing that takes you by surprise? When it hits on a personal level. When the rejection feels tied to who you are at your core. When it echoes back to something you thought you buried a long time ago. 😶

Yeah, I’ve been there too.

For a long time, I believed the lie that rejection was about me. That something was wrong with me. That I wasn’t enough. But what I’ve come to realize is this: rejection isn’t really about you. It’s about them. And that single truth has the power to set you free. 🪽

When Someone Leaves, It Leaves a Mark

I was six when my biological father walked out of my life. Twenty-five years of estrangement followed. For most of that time, I carried this deep, gnawing belief that I wasn’t lovable. That if he left, I must have been the problem. That I wasn’t enough for someone to stay. 🏠

That kind of pain doesn’t just fade. It embeds itself into your identity. 🧬 It shaped how I approached relationships, how I connected with people, how I showed up in the world. I was on a constant loop of “I’ll reject you before you reject me,” because that felt safer.

Familiar.

But it was also lonely. And exhausting. 😫

They're Not Rejecting You—They're Rejecting Themselves

It took years—and a second abandonment by another father figure in my adult life—for me to see the truth. People don’t always have the emotional capacity to face their own guilt, shame, or trauma. And so they avoid. They lash out. They distance themselves.

But it’s not about you. ✋

Maybe my father didn’t reach back out because he felt shame. Maybe he didn’t know how to apologize. Maybe being reminded of what he lost was too painful. I’ll never really know. But what I do know is that his actions were never a reflection of my worth. They were a reflection of his own internal battle.

And this realization has softened the sting. It hasn’t erased the pain—but it’s helped me move through it with more compassion and less self-blame.

When You Trigger Something in Someone Else

Sometimes rejection shows up in subtle ways—being left out, talked down to, made fun of for being different. Maybe you dressed a little louder, spoke a little bolder, or just showed up as your full, expressed self—and that was too much for someone else to handle.

Not because you did anything wrong. 🤷‍♀️

But because you represented something they didn’t feel safe enough to be. Your freedom triggered their fear. Your authenticity threatened the mask they’ve worn for too long.
And so they pushed you away. 🫣

It’s twisted, but kind of empowering, right? To realize that your light was too bright for them—not that you needed to dim it.

Don't Play the Rejection Game

Here’s the part I really want to share—because I’ve lived it. Sometimes, the pain of past rejection makes us the ones who reject first. I used to cut people off before they had a chance to ghost me. I’d tell myself, “I’m just not vibing with them,” when really? I was scared shitless of getting hurt again. 🥺

It was self-protection disguised as self-assurance.

But when I look back, I see that I was rejecting people who were kind, open, and genuinely wanted to connect—because I didn’t believe I was worthy of that connection. And that, too, had nothing to do with them. 👭

It’s Time to Let Go of What Was Never Yours to Hold

The deepest healing comes when we realize: that rejection? It was never about us.

It doesn’t mean the pain wasn’t real. It doesn’t mean we deserved what happened. But it does mean we can stop carrying it. We can stop molding ourselves to be “good enough” for people who were never capable of seeing us clearly in the first place.

You are not unlovable.
You are not too much.
You are not broken.

You were just on the receiving end of someone else’s unhealed story.

So take a breath. Give yourself grace. You didn’t deserve what happened, and you don’t need to keep punishing yourself for it. You get to move forward—lighter, freer, and more grounded in your truth.

If this resonated, I invite you to join my community. I write and talk about this kind of deep healing, mindset growth, and how we show up as our boldest, truest selves. Let’s keep the conversation going 🥰

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